Cherry Blossoms

Cherry Blossoms....

What things make you smile?
What things bring joy to your heart just by looking at them?
For some it could be a candle, a cup of tea, a good meal, delicious smells. I have several: seeing my kids laughing together, roses or a note from my husband, a clean house....But today, its cherry blossom trees. I have always wanted to have some in my own yard but have never had the opportunity. When i see them along the road, for some reason their fresh color and simple beauty warms my heart. These simple things in life help me to remember what is important and who is in control. I needed that today.

Some days, we have a difficult time just trying to breathe. It feels like the enemy is no longer throwing arrows as the scriptures reference to, but rather nuclear bombs; wrenches in your well oiled machine. This week I had a certain amount of time and about a thousand tasks on my list prior to the end of the week. The pressure grew day by day, as I realized my checklists were remaining unmarked and the days were flying by. So here we are now, when my checklist should be in the trash because it should all be done, and in reality, I am still working on day 1 and it is day 7.

I would like to say, I looked at my checklist and gave it over to the Lord, reevaluating daily, and making adjustments where necessary. It would bring me joy to say that i stopped and remembered the new changes I have been making in our schedules and lives this past week, and that it takes time to transition through the changes. I really wish my relationship investing, teaching, tining, and foundation building took precedence over my lists. Honestly, today it didn't.

My morning today consisted of a few hours of freaking out over spilled milk and sticky floors, dirty laundry on the sofa, and dirty bathrooms. After attempting to use my microwave that broke 2 days ago and realizing I will need to use the stove to cook breakfast, a morning full of tantrums and time outs from my little 2 year old, trying to finish up some schoolwork, trying to find some clothes that fit, and put my face together so I don't look like a zombie, I am brought to a place of insanity that is indescribable. My heart ends up in this place often; a place of total chaos and panic. It is in this horrible dark and lonely place I begin to question the hidden pockets of my heart and find even more feelings of condemnation and utter failure.

Ugh....I hate this place. It is painful and emotional. In this crazy place; fear grows and overtakes me. I end up missing out on the simple joys of life. Anger out pours from the depths of my wicked flesh and I take it out on everyone around me.

Sitting in a comfortable chair, munching on a family size bag of potato chip, fighting back the tears while trying to keep my mouth from saying words that will tear down all who are around me is where my heart was this morning. "Lord, how did I get here? And how do I get out of it? Where do i turn now? back to my lists?" The questions begin to flow and my emotions rage and this is when I discover the only anecdote for my sickness; time. I need time to refocus. I need time to hear from my Abba Father. I need time to praise HIM for life, children, a home filled with stuff I enjoy to use, a dirty home because it means people were enjoying life while making things dirty. Then begins the fight; if I take the time, my lists will remain unchecked and may actually never be completed. That's when I look up from my chair and see cherry blossoms. My favorite tree! God reminds me how much HE treasures me by putting this tree right outside my kitchen window so i can look at it while i do dishes, schedule my life, and make new lists. HE has put this tree there so i can always remember HE loves me and desires for me to be filled with joy through all stages of life; big or small. HE reminds me HE is always in control. HE comforts me by gently putting on my heart: if I never complete my checklists, I am not a failure. I have chosen to put things which are eternal ahead of this temporal life; relationships and the ministry of family.

The real problem is, in this face paced world, who has time? We never have the time! Our world keeps spinning so fast that merely holding on so we don't fly off into outer space takes all our effort and focus. Trying to really read and study HIS word or taking time to sit is just not an option for most people these days. But this is one place where God shows how real HE is. When we take the time and become obedient; looking to HIM for our issues, HE rewards with peace. He hears us, and grants us with... guess what.....more time!! He grants us with clarity of mind and a calm heart so we can tackle so we can gain an eternal perspective and let go of the things that hinder us from truly trusting and leaning on HIM. HE gives us discernment so we can recognize if those things on our checklist were things that really needed to be done anyway. Because sometimes, these things we allow our selves to be consumed by end up not being what we need to lay our focus on.

Here is where I am at, taking time to sit next to my son while he watches a movie. I stopped my lists for a time to write as God had instructed so i can encourage you to make time and enjoy the cherry blossom tree HE has put in your yard to remind you of HIS live for you! As I reevaluate my lists, gather my coupons, and prepare for the weekend duties I have with the household, church, lesson planning, friends, I am going to start looking to my cherry blossom tree. Enjoying its fresh pink color while watching the buds blossom and remember when I am always looking at my lists I will be looking down; missing out on the things that make my heart sing when I look up.